Pehea e haʻi aku ai i kaʻu hoaaloha im lili

ʻOiai ʻo ka manaʻo o ka lili he gula mele mele (ʻike wau iā ʻoe, Nick Jonas, The Killers, ʻo Queen ), ʻaʻole ia he manawa ʻoluʻolu e ʻike ai i kahi pilina. Akā ʻo ke kumu e piʻi aʻe ai kēia mau mele i ka piko o nā pakuhi no ka mea, ʻoiaʻiʻo, he manaʻo e ulu aʻe i kēlā me kēia. hoʻokahi. pilina. “He mea maʻamau ka manaʻo lili i kekahi manawa,” wahi a Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., LMFT, ka luna o The Intimacy Institute ma Colorado. No ka mea, he manaʻo Band-Aid, no laila. Loaʻa i nā kānaka a pau ʻelua makaʻu manaʻo koʻikoʻi, wahi a Kauka Skyler—he makaʻu i ka maikaʻi ʻole a i ʻole ka makaʻu e haʻalele ʻia. “Loaʻa iā mākou ka liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi o kekahi o kēlā mau pilikia ʻelua – ua hoʻopili ʻia mākou ma ia ala,” wahi āna. No laila, hiki ke manaʻo ʻia ʻo ka lili he hōʻailona o ia mau makaʻu. No laila, ʻo ka lili ʻana i kāu hoa e nānā lōʻihi ana i kekahi e hoʻoulu i kou hopohopo no ka haʻalele ʻana. A ʻo ka lili ʻana i nā moʻolelo hana ʻakaʻaka a kāu hoa e haʻi ai e pili ana i kēia-a-peia hiki ke hoʻolilo iā ʻoe me he mea lā ʻaʻole ʻoe he ʻakaʻaka.

Nā mea hou mai iā Oprah Daily

nāmua no Oprah Daily US - ʻO kāu papa inoa pāʻani ola maikaʻi loa ʻOiai, i ka wā e ulu ai kēlā mau manaʻo, pono ʻoe e ʻike i ka mea e hana ai. Eia ka ʻōlelo a ka poʻe akamai e pili ana i nā ala maikaʻi loa e hoʻoponopono ai i ka lili ma ka pilina.

E noʻonoʻo i kāu mea e makaʻu ai.

ʻOiai he maʻalahi ka manaʻo he hewa kāu hoa no ka hoʻohuhū ʻana iā ʻoe, ʻo Sari Cooper, LCSW, CST, ka mea nāna i hoʻokumu i ka Center for Love and Sex ma New York City, ʻōlelo ʻo ka hoʻoikaika ʻana i nā kūlana i hāʻawi ʻia e haʻi maoli iā ʻoe. e pili ana iā ʻoe iho ma mua o ka hoa lili. “Ke noʻonoʻo nei ka lili i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole e pili ana iā mākou iho, a me ka hopohopo nui e haʻi iā mākou ʻaʻole lawa mākou,” wehewehe ʻo ia. No laila, ma mua o ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana i kāu hoa mai ka wā e hele ai, e hoʻokaʻawale i ka manawa e nānā i ke kumu e lili maoli ai ʻoe, a pane i ka nīnau: he aha ka makaʻu nui e hoʻomaka ai? “Inā mākou e hoʻokaʻawale i ka lili a ʻike i ka mea ma lalo o ia mea, a laila e loaʻa iā mākou kahi ala e hele ai,” wahi a Kauka Skyler. E hoʻomaka ma ke kākau ʻana i kou mau manaʻo a pau i loko o kahi puke pai. “E hana i ka papa inoa o nā hana a kāu hoa pili e hana ai i mea e kaomi ai i kou pihi lili, a laila e nīnau iā ʻoe iho inā he mau ʻano like ʻole i nā pilina i hala-me ka ʻohana, nā hoaaloha a i ʻole nā exes-ʻo ia ka mea i manaʻo ai ʻoe,” wahi a Cooper. . Hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio pū me kahi mea āu e hilinaʻi ai (hiki iā ia ke hāʻawi iā ʻoe i kahi hiʻohiʻona kūʻokoʻa), a i ʻole e hoʻonohonoho i ka manawa me ke kauka lapaʻau e hoʻomaka i ke kaʻina hana o ka ʻili ʻana i nā papa i ka mea e hana maoli nei, wahi a Kauka Skyler.

E kamaʻilio me kāu hoa.

“Pono ka wiwo ʻole a me ka haʻahaʻa no ka ʻae ʻana he lili ʻoe,” wahi a Kauka Skyler. Akā, he mea nui ia e hana pēlā — ʻoi aku paha inā ʻoe e manaʻo mau ana no ka mea ʻo ka lili he hōʻailona ia ua haki ka hilinaʻi ma kekahi ʻano, a ʻaʻole ʻoe i palekana. Ma mua o ka hoʻokele ʻana i kēlā mau manaʻo murky iā ʻoe iho, e lawe i kāu hoa i ke kamaʻilio. E noho i lalo inā ʻaʻole i piha ka lili no laila ʻaʻole e holo kiʻekiʻe kou mau manaʻo. A laila, e haʻi iā lākou makemake ʻoe e kamaʻilio a wehewehe mālie i kāu mea e lili nei. “Inā he mau hōʻailona kūpono i ka pilina, e inoa i kēlā mau’āpana ma keʻano hoʻopiʻiʻole,” i’ōlelo aiʻo Dr. Skyler. ʻAʻole paha lākou i ʻike i ka hoʻonāukiuki ʻana iā ʻoe, a mai laila mai, hiki iā ʻolua ke hana i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i nā lula kumu, a i ʻole nā hana, e hōʻoluʻolu ai ʻolua a hauʻoli i ka pilina.

E kāpae i nā hoʻopiʻi.

Ke kamaʻilio ʻoe me kāu hoa, he mea nui e hana i ke kamaʻilio e pili ana iā ʻoe – ʻaʻole ʻo ia. Inā ʻoe e luau aku iā ʻoe—e ʻōlelo ana i nā mea hoʻopiʻi e like me, “ʻAʻole ʻoe i hoʻi mai i ka home” a i ʻole “ʻala ʻoe e like me kēia” – ʻo ia wale nō ka mea e manaʻo ai lākou e pale aku, wahi a Kauka Skyler. ʻAʻole ia manaʻo ʻaʻole ʻoe pololei e pili ana i kā lākou ʻano, akā inā makemake ʻoe e kamaʻilio maikaʻi, ʻo ka hele ʻana i ka hoʻouka ʻana ʻaʻole ia e kōkua iā ʻoe. Akā, e hana i nā mea a pau e pili ana iā ʻoe. “Pēia koʻu manaʻo, a manaʻo wau no ka mea ua ʻike wau iā X” hiki ke kōkua i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ke kamaʻilio.

E kūkulu hou i kou hilinaʻi.

He mea nui ka manaʻo palekana i loko o ka pilina, a ʻo ke ala wale nō e hana ai ʻo ia ke kau ʻana i nā lula kumu e hauʻoli ai ʻolua—a laila e hahai ma ia mau mea i hiki i kēlā me kēia hoa ke hilinaʻi i kekahi, wahi a Kauka Skyler. ʻO ia paha ka hoʻohanohano ʻana i kāu ʻōlelo a me ka hoʻi ʻana i ka home i ka manawa, FaceTiming mai kahi lumi hōkele, a i ʻole ka wehewehe ʻana i ka mea i hana ʻia i kou wā lohi. E pili ana ia i ka mea e hoʻoulu ai i kou lili a me kēlā makaʻu nui, akā aia nā ala e hiki ai iā ʻolua ke hana e hoʻomaha i kēlā mau makaʻu. Mai makaʻu ʻoe e kipa hou aku i kāu mau lā kamaʻilio mua. Hiki ke maʻalahi ka hoʻohana ʻana i ke alo o kāu hoa, me ka ʻike ʻole ʻaʻole ʻoe i leka uila e pili ana i nā hana non-errand i nā makahiki. E noi iā lākou e hōʻoiaʻiʻo me nā ʻōlelo maikaʻi (ʻoi aku ka lōʻihi o ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana), ma ka hōʻike ʻana iā ʻoe i kā lākou hana i ka wā e hele ai me nā hoaaloha, a me ke kamaʻilio ʻana a puni ka lā, wahi a Cooper. “He ʻāpana kēia o nā ʻano pilina pili olakino,” wahi āna. “Ke hōʻike nei ʻoe a i ʻole kāu hoa i nā manaʻo lili, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻonui i kou hōʻoiaʻiʻo me kēia mau ʻano.”

Mai komo malu i kā lākou mea.

He mea hoʻowalewale e nānā i ke kelepona o kāu hoa i ka wā e ʻauʻau ai, a i ʻole e komo i kā lākou leka uila i ka wā e hele ana lākou i ka ʻīlio. Akā, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo akamai. “Inā e hoʻopunipuni kekahi, e loaʻa iā ia kahi ala e hana ai. ʻAʻole hiki i ka nānā ʻana i nā kelepona a me nā kamepiula ke hāʻawi i kahi hoa i ka hōʻoluʻolu a lākou e ʻimi nei, akā hiki ke hoʻonui i ko lākou kūlana hopohopo, “wahi a Cooper. Inā makemake ʻoe e ʻimi, e haʻi i kāu hoa makemake ʻoe e nānā hou aku a e kamaʻilio i ka lā. Inā e kani mau ana nā bele aʻo, pono paha ʻolua e kamaʻilio hohonu e pili ana i ka mea e hana nei.

E nānā pono i ka mālama ponoʻī.

Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe maopopo i ka hoʻopunipuni ʻana o kāu hoa, he hana naʻauao ia e hoʻāʻo e hoʻokaʻawale i ka lili e kaumaha ana iā ʻoe. A i ʻole, hoʻomaka paha kāu hoa e manaʻo i ka claustrophobic, a ma hope o ka huhū no ka hoʻomalu ʻia ʻana – ʻoiai inā e haʻalele mau ana lākou i nā leʻaleʻa a me nā hana e hoʻāʻo ai e mālama i kou hopohopo, wahi a Cooper. Ma luna o nā ʻano hōʻoluʻolu a me ka ʻike ʻana i kou mau makaʻu, e hoʻolilo i ka mālama ponoʻī. E hoʻāʻo me nā hana hoʻoikaika kino like ʻole a me ka noʻonoʻo ʻana e ʻike i nā mea e kōkua iā ʻoe e puka i waho o kou poʻo, a hoʻonohonoho mau i kāu mau huakaʻi me nā hoaaloha i ʻole e hilinaʻi nui kou ola i kāu hoa. ʻO ka hoʻomau mau ʻana i kou ikaika ponoʻī e kōkua iā ʻoe e ʻoi aku ka hilinaʻi, no laila hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻoponopono maikaʻi i nā manaʻo lili i ka wā e ulu ai. No nā moʻolelo hou aʻe e like me kēia, e kākau inoa no kā mākou nūpepa . ʻO Samantha Lefave he mea kākau akamai a me ka mea hoʻoponopono e uhi ana i ke olakino, olakino, a me ka huakaʻi. Nīnau pinepine ʻo ia i nā mea pāʻani pro, nā mea hoʻomaʻamaʻa elite, a me nā loea meaʻai ma luna o kā lākou kula; ua ʻike ʻia kāna hana ma Runner’s World , Bicycling , Outside , Men’s Health and Women’s Health , Cosmopolitan , Glamour , a me nā mea hou aku. Lawe ʻia kēia ʻike mai OpenWeb. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke loaʻa ka ʻike like ma kahi ʻano ʻē aʻe, a i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke loaʻa ka ʻike hou aku, ma kā lākou pūnaewele.

Apartmentsherlock